


if tomatoes are a fruit then celestia togami is about to become celestia ludenberg again

by gaybutokay



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Cats, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gross Food Combinations, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Togami Byakuya Being An Asshole, Togami Byakuya Has Feelings, Togami Byakuya is Bad at Feelings, celestia has like 1000 cats, celestia is a bitch, except he's kind of a dick lol, french at parts kinda, idk how to tag, kind of hurt/comfort?, literally 10 fics later and i still can't tag, tomatoes, tomatoes literally everywhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:33:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24931591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaybutokay/pseuds/gaybutokay
Summary: after getting married, they say that all couples have their first "awful argument"well, this is celestia and byakuya's.please it is nOT ANGST just read it i promise
Relationships: Celestia Ludenberg/Togami Byakuya
Comments: 6
Kudos: 49





	if tomatoes are a fruit then celestia togami is about to become celestia ludenberg again

**Author's Note:**

> this is for the shuichi to my kaede & the toko to my komaru,,, i love u even if you're a stupid byakuya stan  
> and also for the mikan to my akane, the angie to my tenko, the adore delano to my bianca del rio, the nao to my reko, and the kaito to my kaede,,, i hate you a lot though but i love you as well you stinky shitpiss boy
> 
> also they're both a little ooc, that's because all celesgami is intense angst and it makes me sad fhds

it started with a small comment from byakuya.

the comment was innocent enough, it didn’t mean any harm. he was simply stating a fact that he had read, and he believed it to be interesting. he didn’t want to offend his wife, though it was easy to get on her nerves and rub her the wrong way. she wasn’t one to start fights, but she was definitely one to win them. she always made sure that she was the one that people saw as ‘scary to argue with’, and even when they went to hope’s peak back in the day, celestia won every argument she got it. any challenge was not too little for her, so she wondered why her husband would say something so ridiculous as this whilst making her morning tea.

“...did you know that tomatoes are a fruit?”

celestia turned around from her position at their dining room table where she was eating her breakfast, consisting of a bowl of blackberries, raspberries, and strawberries topped with a no-calorie sugar substitute. “...what’d you say, mon chéri?”

“they’re classified as a fruit, surprisingly.” byakuya poured the tea leaves into their teapot, watching the milk and water substance turn a deep shade of brown with a content look on his face. “you see, it’s because they form in a flower, like fruits do. they also contain seeds, which is only for fruits. so, they’re technically a fruit.” celestia rolled her eyes, trying to ignore the stupidity coming out of her husband’s mouth. “however, they’re often used as a vegetable in cooking because-”

“because they’re a vegetable, byakuya,” celestia cut him off, forcing a smile onto her pale face. “i know what you are referencing, but… you know that the u.s. supreme court ruled that tomatoes should be classified as a vegetable because of how they’re used in cooking?”

byakuya could taste the hidden wrath in his wife’s voice. oh god- that was stupid in hindsight. oh well, togami liked fights. “sure, but that is the u.s., celeste. in japan, i don’t think u.s. supreme court has much say…”

celestia huffed, turning back to her bowl and plotting a plan.

~

the next day, as togami was sleeping by her side, celestia woke up earlier than him, per usual. she planted a chaste kiss to his forehead, again, like normal, which was his wake-up every day. he very much preferred the feeling of celeste’s soft lips on his forehead. he smirked briefly as he felt the little weight from her side of the bed disappear.

celestia walked to their kitchen, looking around for their loaves of bread and popping two slices in the toaster. she turned around to face their refrigerator, and when she reached in for their peach jelly, something else caught her eye.

she smirked as she changed the target of her hand’s grasp, and she instead reached for a container of ketchup. she giggled to herself as she walked to the now toasted bread, putting a dollop of ketchup on each slice and putting both slices on a plate.

tomatoes are a fruit? then ketchup is jelly.

she placed the plate with the toast on it on their dining room table, then making herself another bowl of *real* fruits.

when togami eventually walked out to the dining room and saw his toast awaiting him, he cocked his head at the odd scent and color. he began inspecting the toast, until he realized what it was.

“oh, come on! did you seriously put ketchup on toast?!”

celestia snickered lightly to herself, shooting a cheeky smirk up at byakuya. “mmhm! since tomatoes are a fruit, i decided to give you ‘tomato jelly’. aren’t i such a considerate wife, ma contrariété?” 

byakuya didn’t know much french, but he knew that ‘ma contrariété’ meant ‘my annoyance’. he scoffed at the nickname, giving celestia an eye roll. “i didn’t know i married a child.”

~

celestia honestly couldn’t believe that byakuya asked her for food once again, but she was definitely happy to oblige. she loved fruit bowls more than almost any other food, as they were filling, yet small, and she wanted to… share… that love. she knew that this was going to be the second waste of food in one day, but it didn’t mean much to her. this was going to completely make up for the few extra dollars spent next time at the store. after all, the world’s richest man married to the world’s most accomplished gambler? of course they would have plenty of pennies to spare.

celestia cut up a few strawberries, mangoes, kiwis, before eyeing the fabled ‘fruit’ in their fridge. she giggled to herself once more, trying to hide the giggle as to not give herself away. she cut up the tomato, placing it in the bowl alongside the other fruits. she smirked as she walked back into his office, handing him the bowl alongside a spoon.

“here, ma tomate, i made you a fruit bowl,” she said softly with a welcoming smile. however, the scent of tomato was overpowering enough, along with her verbal clue, and togami didn’t even glance at the bowl. he kept reading whatever book he was reading at the time, waving her off.

“i didn’t ask for you to continue being smart with me, togami,” he sneered, but she knew he wasn’t actually mad. if he was, he would have referred to her as taeko or yasuhiro, but at least he kept her new surname. she couldn’t help but smile at the name, but simply lifted the failed attempt at a prank and walked back to the kitchen.

~

for someone as smart as byakuya, he really wasn’t catching onto his wife’s tomato game.

celestia knew that if she made a smoothie, he wouldn’t be able to smell, nor see it if she put it in a tight cup, which was perfect. 

she blended together strawberries, bananas, and ice cream, and milk in their blender to make a milkshake, partially for herself, but also for an apology to her husband for this day of torture. until... she got an idea as she saw a container of v8 juice, and realized what she could do with it.

she poured out her portion of the milkshake before mixing some of the v8 juice with the milkshake, and even found herself gagging at the scent. she shuddered before turning the blender back on and calling for her husband.

he was, rightfully so, worried about what flavor this next concoction would be, but he felt relief when he realized that celestia also had her own glass poured. he took the glass that was extended to him, and watched with a worried expression as celestia happily drank her own.

“drink it, togami. i spent so much time making it.”

byakuya took a short sip, his face curling up as he tasted the all to familiar taste of tomatoes in the milkshake. he slammed the cup on the counter, turning to get a paper towel and spitting the milkshake into it.

celestia’s giggled only grew louder. “...did you like it, mon amour?”

byakuya turned to face celestia with an eye roll. “fine. i’ll change my mind. but, can you please stop putting tomatoes in everything? it’s vile.”

celestia nodded happily, taking another sip from her straw. “perfect! my husband is the smartest in the world, isn’t he?,” she teased, walking forth to him. “as a reward, you can have mine. i really didn’t want one, now that i think about it…”

byakuya smiled, putting his trust in the hope that his wife didn’t suddenly like strawberry banana v8 smoothies. he took a sip of the clean milkshake, his lips curling from disgust to a smile. he gently placed the cup on the counter, far from his old one, and lifted his wife’s face by placing a thumb under her chin and his forefinger below her bottom lip. “i married the most stubborn woman alive.”

“and *i* married the most intelligent,” she complimented. she felt that he truly deserved one now, after a day of torture. 

byakuya leaned in, closing the gap between the pair’s lips in a chaste, but loving kiss. after this day, he truly just needed to relax and have a nice night.

and, honestly, celestia would be lying if she said that a ‘nice and relaxing night’ wasn’t exactly what she needed as well.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading!  
> ily


End file.
